Many people experience relationship problems resulting from destructive habits that sabotage their efforts. Most likely, it might not even be the first time you are unknowingly sabotaging your efforts at achieving a healthy relationship. Falling back into a destructive relationship pattern is easy, breaking them is another story. I am a firm believer that when you have insight into your patterns and start to honestly explore what your needs are, you are at better odds of letting go of sabotaging habits so you can achieve healthy relationships. Here are 3 behaviors that often contribute to unsatisfying relationships:
1. Poor Communication Skills: Blaming, not talking, criticism, lying, being reactive, sulking, sarcasm are all ways to avoid an real conversation. Get in touch with what you are really thinking and feeling and do your best to put it into words. If you have to strengthen the communication muscle try journaling out what is going on internally for you before sharing it with your partner. This can also help organize your thoughts.
2. Lacking Boundaries: What are your expectation for how you want to be treated? Does your partner know of them and honor them? Do they walk all over your boundaries and you let them? Figure out what you value in a relationship, what it means to be respected, and then refer to #1. Be clear about what you need with your partner and when they do something that is not ok with you. Be sure to ask what they might need from you too.
3. Not Being Honest With Yourself: Many people know deep down inside that their relationship is not working for them anymore. As time goes on you might take off those rose colored glasses and see that the relationship is not as great as you thought. Do you feel like you are working harder at keeping up an image that things are working than simply enjoying the time together? Are you forcing relationship milestones to convince yourself you are growing as a couple? Take time to evaluate #2 and take inventory if this relationship fulfills your needs, then refer to #1 and communicate clearly about it. Determine if is time to move on or if you can stay and grow together towards a common goal.